A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Genie Jokes :: #4692 By james from Canada A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What will it be?" The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same," the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be $4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount. They do this every day till Fri. "The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a coke." "Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95" The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week. The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact amount?" "Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did you wish for?" "I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the man. "I also asked for a chick with long legs." Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     One Liners tips :: #1200 By Liz Comeaux from Laplace USA. Happiness Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them...     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com

A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Animal Jokes :: #161 By Tina Cook from USA. This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!" Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     Home Life :: #5728 By SKD from Gresham USA. Safe and Friendly Pest Control Palmolive dish soap with lemon scent will keep all types of bugs away and out of your house. Ants will be killed and their ant trail will be abandoned. Just outline the window skill or crack and the entrance is sealed. It's also a snap for cleaning when needed, just add water and wipe. It's a safe way to get rid of pest without using poisons, that's especially nice with children and pets around. It works great! Sue Dillow     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com

A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Teachers Jokes :: #373 By DeDee Ludwig from Unknown On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students: "The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?" Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     Childcare :: #90 By Patricia Roberts from Green Bay USA. Emotionally Developed Child Caregivers sometimes are tempted to leave a baby in their crib or playpen for convenience or to put them on a pre-determined routine for feeding, changing, and sleeping regardless to the child's day-to-day rhythms or preferences. Having a secure attachment to the caregivers is vital to healthy emotional development of the child. Make sure to hold, touch, talk to, and comfort the children in your care.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com

REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE

 

Dear, Sir/madam,

 

 

Good day to you and your family, Considering that i did not know you in person or even have seen you before but due to the true revelation and trust that I should share this lucrative opportunity with you, I have no choose other than to contact you so kindly consider this message essential and confidential, I am Martin Kone, from (Sierra Leone) the only son of late Mr and Mrs Zokora Kone.

 

I inherited some of Amount of Money Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars (USD $ 7.5,000,000.00) from my late Father which he deposited in Finance House before he died and my father was a Gold and Diamond merchant based in Freetown (Sierra Leone) he died in political crisis in my country and where my mother died when we was a baby and before my Father died in a private hospital in our capital city Freetown.

 

He secretly called me before he died and told me that he has the sum of (USD $ 7.5,000,000.00) deposited in a Finance House, that he used my name as his only son for the next of kin in depositing of the fund and he also told me where he keep the document which he use made the Deposit with the Finance House, He also explained to me that it was because of this wealth that he was poisoned to death by his political associates, that i should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where i will transfer this fund and use it for investment, After three mouths i lost my Father my Family member take all properties that my Father left for me and my only sister also treating us bad and they take all our house and other things with my Father Company and noting left for us again since then things started difficult for us we drooped out from school because no body to sponsor us again my Family member also planing to kill us because of my inheritance properties from my Late Father with the help of my Late Father Friend, he give us a little money then we managed it to escaped out from our Country of origin Sierra Leone to Dakar-Senegal where we are now looking for assistance.

 

I believed that our life is more secure by staying here until we leave here to our future destination which is your Country, I am seeking for your consent in other to assist me transfer the Fund into your reliable account and invest the money into a good business in your country and also assist us to come over to your country to further our education again and i cannot transfer this money by myself without any foreign partner like you because of my young age and i haven't done anything money transaction before, l am willing to offer you 20% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful transfer of this fund to your nominated account, and i want you to be honest with me over this transaction project because the Fund is only what i have for my future wich i believe that you will not betray the confedence and trust i have in you before contacting,

 

please kindly forward your full contact Details to me on your respond and please fill all this requirements bellow under to enable me use it write and submit an application letter of claim/nomination to the Finance House on your favour in order to introduce you with theFinance House as my nominated foreign partner that will recipients of the Fund out from the Custody.

(1) Full Name,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(2) Home Address,,,,,,,,,,,,

(3) Country,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

(4) Age And Accupation,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(5) Phone Number And Fax,,,,,,,,,,,,
(6) Passport Copy Or Driving Licence Or Any Approve ID Card,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
(7) Bank Account Details,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

On your respond i will give you more Details concern the Deposit Fund

and i will be waiting to hear from you soonest may God Bless you and please

get back to me through my private email //    martin8cc@hotmail.com
Best Regard,
Martin Kone.

 

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A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Lawyer Jokes :: #92 By Emilio Candia from Santiago R. M. Chile An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     Interacting with people :: #3046 By JORGE GARCIA from LAREDO USA. INTSTINCTS Don't be afraid to go with your instincts always remember if it feels good it can't be wrong.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com

A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Male Jokes :: #4121 By Praveen from Mumbai Maharashtra India A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed :- "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies". God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home ..... picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills. He drove to the electricity company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home which he had to sort out in a gentle 'motherly' fashion. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and was able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for an early dinner. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although his chores weren't finished for the day, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaining. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said :- "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, O please, let us trade back!" The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last night!!!" . Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     Ecology :: #643 By Naya from Telluride USA. For a cleaner environment... One dollar of every ten dollars spent on food products is used for packaging, which is rapidly filling our landfills. Most products have layers and layers of unnecessary wrapping, plastics, and boxes and as consumers we have to let companies know we don't want to support such wasteful practices. Pay attention to the packaging that comes with what you purchase. Most plastics are now recyclable, but manufacturers are still selling their wares by packaging them in hard to recycle or non-recyclable plastics. Look for the symbol with three chasing arrows to find out what type of materials the packaging consists of. Then, call up your local recycling center to see what types of paper and plastics can be recycled in your area. Plastics stamped #1 or #2 are most widely recycled but some facilities can take other types. Also, try and look for products that have been packaged in already recycled materials. Buy products in bulk to reduce the amount of packaging that ends up in landfills or try and buy products that are themselves reusable (i.e. reusable razors instead of disposables). Do you need a bag for one or two items? Make sure you let them know that you don't. These are just a few simple steps we can all take to decrease our waste and clean up our environment.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com

A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Men Vs. Women Jokes :: #18172 By Deborah Hite from USA. A divorced billionaire was ordered by the Court to hand over a 49% share of his Corporation to his ex-wife. The Billionaire, we will call him Sam, was actively involved in acquiring properties wherever he chose. At an annual Board Meeting with his executives, the company stockholders, minus the ex-wife, were reviewing the land acquisitions during the time since Sam's divorce was finalized. They started a discussion of each property, one by one. "Fish Haven, Idaho, I see the aggression expression on that purchase", the one executive commented. Sam gave his nod of admission of its truth. The next company man made his statement, "Dog Walk, Kentucky", "Again we have an aggression expression, don't we Sam?" Sam concurred with that fact again. "Horse heads, New York," and the company man said, "Aggression Expression with DRAMATIC innuendo!" Sam was all too willing to say yes and be understood as an angry and vengeful man. The next property on the roster was Canton, Ohio. "Canton, Ohio?" asked the 4th company man, "I don't see any sign of your conveyance of your indignation, to your ex, on this property name." Sam replied, "No, this acquisition was just to say I love Chinese food." Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     Career skill tips :: #75 By Kate from Chicago USA. Be prepared for your review When approaching your boss for a raise, make sure you're prepared. Keep a detailed log of your accomplishments and achievements and present them convincingly to your boss.     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com

A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Men Vs. Women Jokes :: #2455 By Rachel from USA. A man found a magic genie who would grant him one wish. The man said to the genie," I wish that I had a non-stop bridge from here to Hawaii." The genie said," I'm sorry, but that's going to be very hard. Do you have another wish?" The man answered, "Of course! I want the power to understand all women." The genie thought for a minute. He replied, "How many platforms did you want on that bridge?" Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     Miscellaneous :: #3619 By R.RAMACHANDRA RAO from HYDERABAD India Placement If you want a place in the sun You've got to put-up with a few blisters -ABIGAIL VAN BUREN-     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com

A Joke A Day - Email Jokes

Bar & Drinking Jokes :: #10526 By Lizanne W. from Tampa Florida USA. Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Coors orders a Coors. When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda. Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks? Nah Guinness replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I. Forward this joke to your friends >>     Highly Recommended Book         Milton Berle's Private Joke File The most complete storehouse of 20th-century humor in the world. One of the legends of show biz delves into his personal treasury of jokes, one-liners, anecdotes, quips, and gags.     Famous quote :: #51 By Peter Prestipino from Chicago USA. QUOTE: Success, Emerson "To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." -Ralph Waldo Emerson     aJokeADay.com - www.ajokeaday.com 4179 W Irving Park Rd, Chicago, IL 60641 1995-2008 © All rights reserved. Unsubscribe from aJokeADay.com sent to jokes@2busy2look.com