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Police Jokes :: #18463
By Kamen Beckstrand from Heber UT USA.
The following 15 Police Comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country. Count down to #1...
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go
to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and corn dogs and step in monkey poo. "
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
The envelope please.....................
AND THE WINNER IS ...
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
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Weight control advice :: #1127
By Alisha from Greenville USA.
The more you chew, the less you eat!
Believe it or not, you are supposed to chew your food 25-30 times before you swallow. By doing this you are making it easier for your stomach to digest the food, it takes you longer to eat, and your jaws might even get tired so you don't eat as much! Also if you are out to eat on a date or with friends, don't just feed your face, take your time to eat, talk between bites, and remember to chew!!
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